this is a post about periods

my mum and i have this fun monthly tradition that goes like this:

[i call her]
my mum: hello?
me: oh hey.
my mum: are you ok? what's wrong?
me: nothing. [sob]
my mum: are you sure?
me: it's just that i'm so lonely/sad/overwhelmed/upset/worried
my mum: oh honey, i'm sorry, i wish i could hug you.
me: me too. [sob sob sob]
[10 minutes of sobbing and unintelligible crytalking on my end]
my mum: laura--now don't get mad, i'm just asking--are you due to get your period?
me: i am NOT pmsing! can't you just let me have my feelings? i am not ruled by my body!
my mum: ok, ok, i'm just checking.
[more crying ensues, she eventually convinces me that my life is not a joke and everything will be alright]

the following day:
[i call her]
my mum: hey, how're you feeling today?
me: i'm fine. i'm sorry, you were right. i woke up and got my period today. my life isn't entirely in shambles, i guess.

this happens every. single. month. if i just knew when my period was coming, i could avoid this entirely but i've never tracked it so it's a fun surprise every time. i used to think this was just a gay thing because i obviously don't have to worry about getting pregnant but based on empirical research the three people people i've asked so far, there is no correlation. Can i get a witness? just take my survey.

anyway, in an effort to be a grown up woman, i decided two periods ago to start keeping track. i have a google doc that is [aptly] named "period," but it just doesn't inspire the same excitement that i know a menstrual lunar calendar would.


periods are so much more fun when they require special accessories. i would like to thank the following for bringing joy to menstruation.

tampax compact for fitting so nicely in my pocket and not even being ugly.

the diva cup for being entirely inappropriately named but saving me $120 per year.

the person who made tampon stuffed animals for creating something that is irrationally cute.

the museum of menstruation for existing, although their web designer should be shot.