Two Winters

This New Year, my only real resolution is to write something everyday. So far, I'm 7 for 9 since I hadn't yet thought up my plan on the two days of the month. I make promises to myself almost weekly--some of which I stop caring about, some which I've successfully implemented into my life, and some which I still have to remind myself about every day--so the idea of doing something concrete every single day for an entire year is appealing. I don't have any real set guidelines: I might write here, I might write for autostraddle, I might write a letter, or I might just write for myself. The point is that I write something.

Today, inspired by my friend (acquaintance? what do you call someone you met one time in 3-D and got along swimmingly with?) Ashley, I created two mixes for winter: cold and warm. The extremes that winter brings come in the differences between indoors and outside, light(s) and darkness, being alone and together. I've never been good at choosing favorites which makes winter the perfect season* for me.

*Along with spring, summer, and fall.

You Wish Young Eyes Could See You Grow Older

Do you remember that episode of Pete & Pete when Pete hears the best song he's ever heard but can't remember how it goes and know one knows what it is and he's worried that he's going to lose it forever? I didn't think that story was relevant anymore because all you have to do is type "lyrics" and "whatever words you remember" into google and you instantly know what it is. A few weeks ago though, I was in H&M not really paying attention to the music until I realized that I had been listening to the best song I've ever heard in my life. I tried to remember some words but they were too hard to understand and there were only 20 seconds left in the song so I hummed the part I remembered and hoped I'd figure out some way to type that into google. This, asking people if they've heard a song that sounded like a mix between Coldplay, Patrick Wolf, and Sigur Ros, and looking for an H&M playlist didn't work but spending 4 hours on this did. There's not really any moral to this story, it's just something to say about a song that I like so much that I don't have anything to say about it.

now my feet won't touch the ground

i feel like i have ten million possibilities in my veins and nowhere for my fingertips to reach yet. like roots that would grow, maybe, from a little beating heart seed that's just waiting. with air like this who can sit still? my honey nights are gone with the winter.

pull my hair, twist my arm, push me, tangle me up in angry words or in lusty sheets. engage me.

now my blood is thick against the dusk. i’m tasting iron in my throat, swallowing all my words while i run from the soil. am i flying from the ground or into a swarm? can i have both? i’m not rushing anywhere except to begin.