i couldn't stand being a passing fancy. before i give my body, i must give my thoughts, my mind, my dreams. and you weren't having any of those.

do you know that i only rushed that one time? i rushed and then i panicked because i hear that i’m a grown up now and i had be rough when really all i am is melting.

so i stopped. here i am; i am not jumping.

what could i do? there are lots of things i’d like. to stop battling all the eyelashes, to start. i’d like to have somewhere to put all the pretty words i could write for you. your ears might be a good place to empty what i have stored up in my head. maybe it would find its way in before you start running away.

i could fold up into you and be warm all night and i’d even stay longer if you let me.

we could sit in front of my paper fire and pretend like the heat is real because we’re both stuck in the city and it’s making us tear apart. or i could trap you on my roof. i’ll force you to be romantic and then scream at you like the wind is glaring at me. i might cry so you know how i am.

i confuse everything that’s easy about the earth for subtlety when things aren’t going my way. it’s just because winter is tragic and if i can’t have what i want, i’ll join the quiet and take devastation for depth.

right now i’m a puddle. i’m shivering and worried that i can’t do words like i can’t do people and if they both escape you, what do you have?

i think i’m just making up loves for my room because it’s here and my hands are alone.

fireside chat

first of all, last night i was riding home on my bike and heard some girls on the sidewalk talking about a cute boy. like any good gay lady, i turned around to check him out, but didn't see anybody else on the street. then one of them was all "look at his helmet," and i was like "oh they're talking about me." huh? i don't look anything like a boy. not even at 15 mph.

second, this guy's taken about two weeks to get up--half because dani and i had to finish editing it and half because my computer was in a fight with me. i went to the tech center to get help and the first thing they did was ask for my student id and password. which is when i remembered that i really couldn't tell anyone my password. because it was 'african queen.' keeping in mind that i am tiny, white, and was recently called a 'cute boy,' you can imagine how ridiculous/probs racist that would have sounded.

just to clarify [sort of], the reason it was african queen was because i got a reminder e-mail about changing my password while i was listening to this:

and in a moment of idiocy, thought it would be a really good idea to make it my password. what can i say? i love this song.

aynway, i told them i couldn't remember it and ran away before they could go online to look it up for me. i changed my password, fixed my computer, and we finished our video. we tried so hard[ish] but couldn't get it under 10 minutes and our audio still blows, so turn it up allllll the way.